It isn’t unusual to hear the “F Word” liberally baked into every day conversations. You know the one; it’s used for fun, for shock value or to underscore a point. It’s also often used in reference to the state of the world, our job or our personal lives, because the tension of living in evolutionary times requires big medicine and for some, this word is just the ticket.
However, regardless of how mainstream colorful language has become, the “F Word” that I’m referring to probably isn’t what you’re thinking.
The “F Word” I’m talking about is one that keeps us small, disconnected, vulnerable. It keeps us from living into the wholeness and truth of who we are destined to be. It’s a particularly offensive and immobilizing word when used to refer to our self or our life, because when we use this word we’re looking through the lens of being damaged, shattered or defeated; a victim to or casualty of someone or something and needing to return to a past state to be whole.
And because the words we speak to ourselves deeply matter, the odious “F Word” that I suggest you remove from your lexicon as soon as possible is the word FIX.
The only reason to fix anything is because it is broken. We, as humans, are not broken and in need of being fixed … by ourselves or anyone else.
We may be wounded, triggered, afraid, stagnant, rooted in outmoded beliefs, behaviors and perspectives. We may have unmet needs, made poor choices, or have had highly charged experiences. We may still be using immature, ineffective and inappropriate coping strategies. Fair enough; we’re all subject to our current interpretations of our experiences. And yet even in all of that, we don’t require fixing – WE REQUIRE GROWTH.
Growing, intellectually and emotionally, is our inherent natural state that requires that we consciously progress beyond the smaller reactive self that lives in repetition and survival mode. It calls us to cultivate a more mature perspective and courageous course of action.
Growing demands audacious adulting.
And audacious adulting requires that we take 100% responsibility for how we are currently feeling and dealing with the circumstances of our life. It can render useless any sense of being broken by mining the wisdom, lessons and opportunities that ride in on the back of our experiences. When we put what happens in our life to work FOR us, we can begin to change our point of view, then our story, and finally our results.
In this type of growth spurt we address those aspects of us we think need fixing, but instead are really inviting us to access an awareness of the gifts beneath the discomfort. It is in that space where we can intelligently interpret our experiences outside of the negative charge and navigate forward in the framework of authority in our own life.
Forget fixing yourself or anyone else. Decide instead to grow because beneath the distress lies the gifts and future you’re ready for and the truth that you are not destined to be today who you have already been yesterday. Choose to grow because even a broken bone doesn’t get fixed; it gets set and then grows back together.
So next time you’re tempted to FIX something in your life that is really getting your attention, give yourself permission to choose a new “F Word” – FOCUS. Focus on growth. Focus on the wisdom, the opportunity and your preference of an actual outcome you’re ready for. Focus on how you want to express and experience yourself now.
Focus, rather than fixing, is a more progressively effective way of evolving your life and closing the gap between who you are and who you are ready to be.